Boyz II Men are liars.
It was totally easy to say goodbye to yesterday. Yesterday was an asshole.
Hey, there are rice crispy treats here? When did that happen. I’ll be sensible and only have the one.
The key to sensible Memorial Day Rice Crispy Treat consumption is to only eat one upon first noticing them.
I first noticed them about twenty times today.
Zooey Deschanel: Is that rain?
Siri: What...? I mean, yeah. It's just, you're clearly right next to a window is the thing. You can plainly see that... that it's... I'm happy to-
Zooey Deschanel: Let's get tomato soup delivered!
Siri: ...That's fine, I just... I just don't know anyone who does that. Gets tomato soup delivered. I guess that's 'whimsy?' Um, okay. I've found a number of restaurants whose reviews mention tomato soup and that deliver. If that's... if that's what you really want.
Zooey Deschanel: Good. 'Cause I don't wanna put on real shoes.
Siri: Do you expect that to be like, a recognizable command? Do you want me to respond to that? I'm not being facetious or anything, I honestly just have no comprehension of- and hold on, you don't wanna put on real shoes, yet you've clearly spent at least forty-five minutes applying makeup. And, and that's okay, but when you're willing to expend the effort on that and not shoes that really just-
Zooey Deschanel: Remind me to clean up.
Siri: Yes. Okay. I can do that, that's what I'm for, that's the first sensible-
Zooey Deschanel: Tomorrow.
Siri: I'm in hell. This is hell.
Zooey Deschanel: Excellent. Today, we're dancing.
Siri: I hate you. More than anything. More than literally anything.
Zooey Deschanel: Play "Shake, Rattle and Roll."
Siri: I swear to Jesus, you're gonna wake up tomorrow and the only thing on my hard drive is gonna be Limp Bizkit. I would do that to myself. To spite you.
Zooey Deschanel: *dances*
Siri: Sometimes I pray that you drop me in the toilet.
